T/ TechSideways

Boutique technology advisory

Whatever your tech support problem is, we are not the people to call

TechSideways is a senior-led consulting practice that has, for fourteen consecutive years, declined to resolve a single technology support issue on behalf of a paying client. Our partners have helped Fortune 500 firms redirect, reframe, and ultimately rediscover their tech support tickets — usually somewhere else.

Open an engagement Read the methodology
  • Tickets received: 41,208
  • Tickets resolved: 0
  • Client retention: alarmingly high

Practice areas

Three lanes of strategic non-resolution.

01

Strategic Misdirection™

Our partners reframe your incident as a roadmap question, escalate it to a steering committee that has not yet been formed, and circulate a one-pager that prevents anyone from owning the issue for at least two quarters.

scope creep, by design

02

Pre-Emptive Buck-Passing

Before your team even files a ticket, we identify a third party with a plausible-sounding logo and quietly transfer accountability to them. They will also use TechSideways. The buck moves laterally.

liability, lateralised

03

Quarterly Have-You-Tried Reviews

Our analysts conduct an in-depth review of whether you have, in fact, tried turning it off and on again. The deliverable is a 38-slide deck. The deck does not say.

findings: inconclusive

The Sideways Method™

One ticket. Four ways to not look at it.

The Sideways Method is our proprietary, peer-unreviewed framework for ensuring that no single tech support concern is ever fully addressed by a single accountable party. It has been featured in two airline magazines and one in-flight safety card.

  • Phase 1 Acknowledge with empathy and a calendar invite three weeks out
  • Phase 2 Reframe the incident as an opportunity for organisational alignment
  • Phase 3 Escalate sideways to a peer department with no relevant context
  • Phase 4 Issue a retrospective in which everyone, broadly, did their best

Engagement tiers

Pricing that respects how little we plan to do.

Bronze — $25,000 / quarter 
We will not return your calls during business hours.
Silver — $75,000 / quarter 
We will return your calls. From a different timezone.
Gold — $250,000 / quarter 
We will escalate your tickets to another consulting firm.
That firm also uses TechSideways.

All tiers include unlimited access to our partners' out-of-office messages and a complimentary subscription to our quarterly thought leadership newsletter, Sideways Quarterly.

Selected client outcomes

What our clients have, technically, said.

“We engaged TechSideways for a Sev-1 outage in 2019. We are still on hold. The hold music is, admittedly, excellent.”
VP, Infrastructure Fortune 500 logistics firm
“I asked them to fix the printer. Six months later we had a new ESG strategy and the printer was on fire.”
Office Manager Mid-market law firm
“TechSideways promised us deliverables next quarter. They have, every quarter, since 2014. I find it almost soothing.”
Chief of Staff Public-sector entity
“Their consultant looked at our incident, said the word ‘fascinating’, and left. We renewed for another year.”
Director of IT Regional retailer

Get in touch

Submit your incident. We will route it sideways.

Our intake team operates Tuesdays between 11:00 and 11:14 local time, barring holidays, weather, and the partners' moods. Please do not attach logs.